Abusing the Uniform
by Starkers
Summary: In which Peter very publicly announces how he caught his fathers abusing the uniform. StevexTony, SuperFamily, Rated T for dirty sounding things.


It was a bright and cheery morning in the Rogers-Stark household. Tony was still in bed and Steve was frying eggs. Peter was sitting at the bench, colouring a picture. He was getting better at being inside the lines.

Steve shook the pan. The egg sizzled, sliding around. The blonde gripped the pan, about to flip it, when his fingers burned and he released it.

"Ow!" Peter looked up from his drawing. His little hands were stained from the coloured lead.

"You like that, don't you, you little bitch?" the four-year-old said bluntly, without any emotion. Steve looked at him in absolute shock.

"Peter Parker-Rogers-Stark! I don't want to hear you using that kind of language ever again, am I understood?" Peter looked at him, confused eyes behind oversized glasses.

"Daddy, what's a 'bitch'?"

"It's a bad word, Pete. Why don't you go wake your father?" Steve braced himself against the bench, looking over just in time to watch his eggs burn. Swearing under his breath, he took them off the heat, wondering where on Earth Peter would have heard those words… Unless…

A cold chill settled in his stomach. It appeared that the walls in Stark Tower were entirely too thin and that Peter was entirely too impressionable. Steve decided against telling Tony – he was working too hard at the moment.

Tony was working in his lab, when JARVIS notified him of a small presence at the doorway. Tony let his son in and Peter hopped up into his special chair.

"Hey…" Tony began. He was always slightly awkward around Peter, not entirely sure of how to handle a young child. Peter never seemed to mind, though; he was content with his dads and that was what mattered.

"Hey Dad. What are you working on?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm working on a type of metal. Well, not quite. I'm trying to make a copy of a type of metal. You know Captain America's shield?" Peter nodded; Tony and Steve hadn't told him the whole 'we're superheroes' thing, yet.

"Well, I'm trying to copy that kind of metal." Peter's eyes went wide.

"Wow. That's really cool."

"I agree."

"Do you have the shield?"

"Not at the moment. The Cap needs it." Peter ducked his head.

"I guess so. I mean, it can't be an easy job, saving the world all the time."

"No, I wouldn't imagine so."

"Have you had any luck?" Tony shook his head.

"I did manage to make one kind, but it wasn't the same. It shattered when I hit it."

"How hard did you hit it?" Tony punched Peter playfully on the arm. It wasn't hard. He didn't want to hurt the kid, after all.

"Ooh, harder, _harder_!" Peter grinned, groaning the words mockingly. Tony froze.

"What?"

"Hit me _harder_, come on, I like it!" Tony couldn't believe his ears.

"Peter, stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop saying those things!" He took Peter by the arm and bobbed down. "Those… They aren't good things to say. Violence is not something people are supposed to like and besides, the way you're saying it is related to things that children aren't supposed to talk about."

"What things, Dad?" Peter showed not a shred of remorse.

"Things that we'll talk about when you're older."

"How come you say those things to Daddy?" Tony frowned, rubbing his eyes. His mind sneered to him that it was time to invest in thicker walls or soundproofing.

"Because… your Dad and I are very close."

"Aren't you and I close, Dad?" Peter suddenly looked very fearful. "You won't send me back, will you?" Tony held him close.

"We're not going to send you back, Peter. No, your dad and I are close in a different way."

"What's a 'bitch'?" Tony frowned.

"It's a bad word. We don't use it."

"Yes you do! I heard Dad calling you that last night! And Uncle Clint called Auntie Tasha that last week!"

"Jesus…" Tony sighed.

"It's… a mean name to call someone."

"Oh. Uncle Clint isn't very nice, then, is he?"

"Clint is a very nice man."

"I'm confused."

"Don't think about it then, Squirt. And definitely don't repeat anything else you hear at night, okay?"

"Okay."

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Maybe…" Peter looked vaguely sheepish. Tony picked him up and carried him to his bed, tucking him in and kissing him goodnight.

Steve sat up in bed, alert and tense. Tony was relaxed, lying sprawled out.

"He knows, Tony."

"What?" Tony opened one sleepy eye.

"He's heard us. Doing… it. Peter, I mean. Tony, he is-"

"-Running around saying lewd things? Yes, I know. I've spoken to him."

"What the heck are we gonna do?"

"Nip it in the bud. We just try and stop this before it gets any worse."

"How could it get worse?"

"Well, as far as we know, he hasn't said anything to any of the others. Let's hope it stays that way. Goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight." Steve turned onto his side, legs slightly bent. That was how he always slept.

"I think we should take him out before he becomes a major threat. We know where he is, so we should just-" Tony stopped and smashed his fist into his palm.

"We have other things to worry about, though. Shouldn't we deal with current issues before we try and prevent anything else?" Natasha objected.

"I agree with Natasha. Loki is sitting in his lair, doing nothing, while several rogue Jotun are roaming around aimlessly, destroying things," Clint added.

The group sat in a loose circle, planning their next move. Thor sat back, listening, but not adding. Steve had a look of intense concentration on his face. Bruce just looked tired.

"But how do we know the Jotun aren't controlled by Loki? Maybe they're there for a reason, maybe they-"

"The one we managed to capture showed no signs of having a master or mission."

"So maybe the little green bastard wiped their memories or something!"

"Man of iron, please. Loki is vicious, like a snake, but he is a brother of Thor."

"Sir, young Peter is outside the door," JARVIS stated.

"Let him in, JARVIS," Tony replied.

Tiny little feet pattered quickly as Peter sprinted into the middle of the circle.

"Dad! Dad! Phil wants to make a cake with me! Can I?"

"Yes, Pete, of course. Is that all?" Peter smirked, pushing his overlarge glasses up his nose. Steve leaned forward, stomach dropping.

"Peter, no-"

"Ooh, _ooh_, fuck, harder! You like that? Oh, _Captain!_" Everyone looked at Peter, aghast. Steve moaned softly and turned beetroot red. Tony looked at the floor. Peter beamed. Thor boomed with laughter.

"My patriotic captain, it appears that your offspring has caught you abusing your uniform!"


End file.
